I’ve been doing this thing where I delegate tasks to people. In my mind, I know exactly what I’m doing: “Here, YOU handle this piece.” But I’ve repeatedly learned that it’s not having the effect I think it does.

Hang on, let me rephrase that with a bit more accountability: I’ve repeatedly observed the same undesirable outcome and failed to address my own communication.

It goes back to something I used to teach but have strayed from: people who are not YOU don’t think with YOUR brain. They don’t see with your eyes, hear with your ears, or feel with your feelings. Therefore, it’s never safe to assume their understanding.

The best practice is to take a moment and let them repeat back what they heard. Just like this: “Tell me what you heard.” Return the favor when it applies: “OK, can I tell you what I heard? Correct me wherever you need to.” It works. Painlessly. It just WORKS the way communication is supposed to, otherwise there’s literally no point in talking to each other. Why bother communicating otherwise?

“I just want them to get it.” Of course you do. Wouldn’t that be nice! Forgive me when I say that you’re being a lazy little bitch and you should stop it if you lean on this crutch more often than not. Which do you want more: someone to read your mind, or to actually achieve what’s in it?

The purpose of communicating is to effectively transmit something otherwise unintelligible about you to a completely different system of logic and reasoning. Imagine if Earth told Venus that “rain” would be nice; on Venus, rain means something entirely different. The effective purpose of communicating is the whole point.

Have I beaten this horse dead yet?

Communication is real work, but it’s better than what happens when I operate solely from the heart of personality. When I’m just being my “self,” what I am doing in delegation is freeing myself from having to think about anything at all, choosing to be detached from all thoughts or control over whatever I leave to their autonomy. I am truly at peace and without worry when I do it, but the other person is lost as fuck. While I am NOT responsible for their competency, I AM a partner in their success as an individual if they are important to me.

To put this into context, I genuinely believe there is a kind of virtue in releasing control and expectations because it keeps me from being critical of the method or outcome someone else achieves. It’s not about being lazy. It’s about self-regulation, as I’m very prone to critical analysis, much like a drug addict is to drugs. I understand the impact my behavior has on others when I latch on. Feeling the weight of my watchful eye doesn’t feel good to those around me. So when I release a task to someone else, it’s a kind of low-grade non-attachment, a level of self-actualization that serves as liberation, and a state an obsessive thinker should strive for.

More accountability: I say “low-grade” because I’m not genuinely in a fully present state of self-awareness. Rather, I’m going through the motions as if I were.

So WTF?

Here it is: people want to be led or guided, not abandoned without the knowledge or perspective that originated outside of them.

Here’s another “fuck”: mimicking a state doesn’t accomplish what authentically being in that state does.

Not intentionally changing my behaviors in light of this knowledge is what keeps undermining what I want.

How can someone else embody something that didn’t come from their body? How can I expect to reap the benefits of authenticity when I’m merely going through the motions?

One could argue there’s a level of non-conscious communication, the Spirit of Wisdom, that seemingly taps into and intertwines with another’s consciousness on some quantum level. Humans have documented this phenomenon and called it many things for millennia. But we’re not talking mystically, we’re talking practically, because people also have to function in the tangible world. They’ve got shit to do, and exercising “what Mario means?” in a mental gym for two hours a day isn’t on their list. As sage-like as we may want to be, a moment of enlightenment only lasts for a moment. It doesn’t leave us permanently connected with a deep understanding of someone else forever.

What I’m trying to say is: we can’t hinge everything on assuming someone else understands us. I don’t care how well they know you; you’ll end up having the same conversation about how you “thought” something was understood at some point.

Communication serves a physical, mental, and spiritual purpose, helping individuals make an impact and achieve their unique goals. Assuming others understand you without mutual comprehension will fuck you both up sooner or later.

Till next time.