Girl: “My friend wants you to send a pic.”
Me: “What? Who’s your friend? Not sure why she wants a pic but she’s welcome to come out.”
Girl: “Here I’ll show you a pic of her. She’s really pretty.”
Me: “Wait. I’m slow mo tonight. Pics are cool. I care about vibes tho.”
Girl: “Just look…”
Me: “Nah cuz I don’t want to pre-judge off a picture. Being pretty isn’t everything. Plus, I’m not the Tinder type. So just chill. If she wants to come out, we can all kick it.”
Girl: “But she’s hot. Really cute.”
Me: “That’s good. I’m chill tho’.”
Girl: “I don’t understand. She’s what you like.”
Me: “What do I like?”
Girl: “She’s pretty. She’s sexy. She’s got a booty.”
Me: “… that’s literally half of the girls in here… is that what I like?”
Girl: “That’s what I’m trying to figure out…”
Me: “Are you? Because I keep trying to tell you. I’m not looking for a big booty hookup. I’m actually not looking for anything at all. I’m chill. If I was looking for something it would be for a rare quality; an effortless vibe that doesn’t take me having to explain myself to a middleman. Look, I don’t know you. You obviously don’t know me. And so please let’s just cut this off without making this contentious: ‘Thank you for considering your friend. I’m sure she’s beautiful. I’m not interested.’ “
Girl: “I’m just trying to hook you up.”
Me: *realizing I’m going in circles* “Well I want you to stop it.” *walks away*
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